In a whatsapp group conversation of my good old school friends, recently someone made a statement – ‘Women strive to put each other down, and that is why they are lagging behind’. I found the statement bit difficult to accept.
I do not usually argue, but then felt the need to say something, and so I replied that I do not think that women are enemies of other women, it is patriarchy which sets them up against each other and pulls them down. Some of my friends supported the statement, and some quoted several instances where they had to encounter difficult ordeal in life because of other women, mostly mothers, sisters, cousins, in laws, friends, colleagues or strangers. The conversation progressed and I spent days looking for an answer. Are we indeed enemies? I am writing out my thoughts here.
There are all kinds of human beings, and if we think of them as people beyond the ideas of gender. They have their own behavioural traits, thoughts, actions which may be pleasant or unpleasant. They may be hurtful or kind. So, of course there are women who are gentle and men who are hurtful and the opposite holds true too. If a woman is hurt by another woman, it has nothing to do with her gender, it is all about her own self which manifests her unkind behaviour.
Indeed women are often set to compete against each other, and this is what patriarchy looks like. Instead of pushing each other up, women are compared and made to compete against each other on several levels in personal and professional level. There are women who rise above these and what they say “set each others’ crown right”, but others end up struggling to pull each other down.
If we are in the company of women who continuously pull us down or disturb our peace of mind, we just need to deal it in our own way – fix it peacefully, set our boundaries right and if that does not work either, eventually move away. You cannot change a person. We all evolve over time, but the basic traits remain the same. What we can do is change our reaction by dealing with it.
The causes of conflict between women may be difference of opinions, anger, envy, likes and dislikes and these do exist, but can take a backseat sometimes. There is nothing better than sorting things out in peace.
Personally, I believe that more women have always helped me than not. Indeed, I have had my differences with others and tried to deal with difficult people peacefully and tactfully. But I believe that they do not deserve as much importance; there are people who make my life happier. My mother is my biggest strength, she has always pulled me up. I have wonderful sisters who are my true inspirations as strong and independent women. Also, I was fortunate to have found truly amazing friends back in school college and wonderful colleagues at work, and some of these friendships have stood the test of time even after a decade. Whenever I need them, I know I can count on these women. Women are not enemies of each other, they may be great friends who are just there for each other through good and bad days! ❤