The Day I and my life changed forever

The experience of giving birth to my child was something out of the world for me. All my childhood I used to play with dolls, and would wish one of them to come to life. When I held my daughter for the first time, that was exactly how I felt. Today she turned two, and I wonder when did the tiny little dot from the first ultrasonography grow up to be the assertive toddler.

Many things changed in me the day my daughter was born. I realised that as a mother, I will set the most profound example for my little one. She will closely follow me, my actions and also my reactions to everything. So, I will have to set only the right example for her.

I decided on two aspects – that I would break the meaningless boundaries and set the right boundaries. I decided not to give up on my dreams in the quest of becoming a perfect mother. I will not sacrifice or let go of myself just because I am a mother. Ours is a society where mothers are never encouraged to follow their dreams or passions. They are raised to a false pedestal of worship, thoroughly judged for how they raise their kids and compelled to live in accordance to society’s standards.

Now on setting the boundaries right, I decided I am not going to please people any more. I will stand up for my opinions and ideas without expecting others to stand up for me. Over the last two years, I have unfollowed, blocked, restricted and sternly dealt people who mean the slightest harm to my mental peace. Because at the end of the day, what matters most is my own good health and peace of mind. We all deserve to be amidst people who are genuinely loving. Setting the boundaries right implies taking control of your own life. People will judge you any way. So it is best not to let them influence you. I do what I want in life, because I deserve happiness.

Life has changed a lot in the last two years. I am not perfect, and I will never be, so I accept myself more wholeheartedly now. I love myself with all my inperfections, and even when people point them out to me, I stand stronger. Now I am also learning to let go of things when it comes to people. There are things that you cannot change, so let them go.

I have left fear of the fear behind me. Yes, I still fear each moment my toddler stands up on the chair and attempts to jump off. But I have left a lot of fear behind me – the fear of what people think and the fear of what people will say. These things never should matter in our lives. And I want my daughter to never be scared of these ‘futile fears’.

My research work was primarily based on women’s theatre movement in India. Throughout the years of research, I read and worked on many feminist texts, and also wrote my thesis. The ideas and ideals of my life are subtly influenced by feminist ideology, and I strongly advocate it. My daughter’s birth has made stronger manifestation of these ideals in my everyday life.

I have started valuing each day more than ever. Each day brings in new challenges, but there are moments of joy in those twenty-four hours. So, I started living the days thinking more about these wonderful moments. I started seeing the joy in little things – the joy of seeing my child wake up in the morning, the joy of seeing a rose bud in full bloom in my balcony garden, the joy of our happy family weekend time and the joy of simply reading a book. I do have my tough days, I have a good cry about it, talk to my loved ones and get back to being myself. My daughter has made me a stronger, better and happier person than I was. Today as she turns two, I wish her love, happiness and good health, and for me because I believe this day was a rebirth for me, I pray that I raise her to be brave, fierce, strong willed and opinionated.

8 comments

  1. When our babies are born, so are we. Into this new woman. This powerful woman. I have a two and a half year old and often look at him in disbelief that he is now a toddler and ever fit into premie clothes.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.